Vocational Nightmare

It has indeed been one long nightmare of eight months for my life in 2008. Hmm, it may be a beautiful dream too. An adventurous, beautiful but yet ‘cancerous’ dream which later became a deadly nightmare. (ABC, this is where the ‘C’ came in). Thinking back through the last eight months of my life spent in the US, I wonder what did I learn out of my life here? The lessons taught to me willingly or unwillingly by God? The soft skills attained through my job training? The technical knowledge gained through on job training? What did I learn? What did I attain? What did I achieve?

Eight months went on and I think I am now back to square one. Back to the crossroads where I first prayed during YA retreat in Sentosa beach, “Oh Father, which vocation do you want me to go into?” before I tossed that Singapore 50 cents coin to cast the vote for my future. (Remembering that Pastor did mention that casting lots is biblical.)

Today, am I still qualified as God’s workplace minister? This is the eventual question which I hope to achieve a positive answer. How did I contribute to God’s kingdom for the past eight months? How did I further God’s kingdom at all? Reflecting upon the time which has passed cruelly before my eyes, I can only say that I have failed in reaching out to my friends. The reason being I was too self-centered upon my own needs that I have neglected the work which the Father has assigned to me when He first called me out to the workplace.

I am completely humbled before Him right now. Having lost almost everything which I have once tried to build in my life, now I have practically no way to recover them back anymore. God has taken everything away from me. No matter how hard I tried to grab them, He has the strength to loosen my grip and take it away from me.

Back to the state which I was in two years back, I realized that I have to look to the LORD. I have to keep praying. I have to keep feeding myself spiritually. I have to keep staying on the course and be His good ambassador. I have to fight the good fight. I have to continue to keep the faith till the day which I will see Him again.

Standing once again at the crossroad of my life, I have additional emotional baggage to carry with me now. The journey in front of me is still long and the light at the end of the tunnel is still yet to be seen. The only way to carry on this journey is to know how to deposit my emotional baggage at the foot of the Cross of Christ, holding onto His hand and walk with Him to the finishing line. Please kindly pray along with me. Amen.