I wonder if one loses someone whom is very dear to him / her, how does he / she look to God and focus on Him to find himself / herself back to face the reality
A man lost his father whom is a pastor when he was three years old. His mum has to work very hard to support him. Even coming from a Christian family, he cannot help but blame God for taking his dad away in the years of growing up.
“So what if my dad reads the bible at least three times a day? So what if my dad preaches to a congregation of 10 000 people and helps to save souls for Christ daily?” “So what if I do have God as my heavenly father? Stop telling me that! I just want to have a similar loving physical father as well.”
His dad is still dead today. Friends around him have fathers to drive them to schools but he is left alone and does not have even a godly fatherly figure to grow up or model after. His mum having taken over the role of the only breadwinner in the house is constantly away from home working. The event of losing his dad from young has caused turmoil in his life. He finds it hard to focus on Christ even though he does acknowledge that Jesus is the ONLY ONE TRUE HOLY GOD.
Well, I am not this man. I have merely lost a friend whom at that point in time is still not even a close friend of mine. She is just someone whom I have admired and hoped to know her better as a friend. She is also not a believer so going into a life-long relationship with her is simply not possible at all. However, I do not know why God allows her to be taken away at such a young age and furthermore when she still have zero knowledge of Christ. Why? The following day of her death, I was sobbing quietly in my house.
The months following her death were also the months that I rebelled against God for many actions done to hurt Him. As a matter of fact, I reacted in that exact same manner as the man who has lost his father at a tender age. “Stop telling me that God is by my side, ok? Stop telling me facts which me as a Christian already know?!” I simply was sad and emotional when friends of mine reminded that God is constantly with me.
Words of fury can be seen on the msn message windows.
“If you said that God is constantly with me, what is wrong with me eating alone everyday? What is wrong with me not going out to make new friends? You told me God is with me, so why do I even need friends?”
With all these non-loving comments, I have not spoken to many of my Singapore church friends anymore. I will just like to take this chance to apologize to all whom I have offended with my above comments.
Life is indeed all about relationships and relationships certainly surpasses all the cash and materialistic things which you can ever acquire in your lifetime. In my search for a life-long partner, I too longed for such a relationship. However, it seems to elude from me time and time again. Not because I am not intentional enough but I guess if all is not God’s will for me; I will have to learn how to accept the life of celibacy by His grace alone.
Friends of mine, I will like to ask that all of you to stop probing me on BGR issues anymore. With this confession, I will like to truly learn how to submit to God’s will for me in this area. Even if in future I may not be coming back to Singapore ever again, I do pray and hope that I can still hold on to God’s Truth and live out my life as a true blue believer in Christ, experiencing His love and leaning on to His grace in life.
May God bless all of you. Amen.